A client sent us this message last month:
Some context first -
We wrote a 3-email sequence for their product launch.
They sold out their main course and had 3 spots left for their secondary course. We never even sent emails 2 and 3.
But this wasn't always the case for them.
They had the lowest sign up ever in the past cycle, even with a price increase to incentivize people to buy at lower price. And in this cycle, even with yet another price increase, they sold out on their main course.
Most founders we talk to are still stuck where this client was 3 months ago:
"Our sales emails aren't converting."
"They feel salesy and don't communicate the value we provide."
"I'm not proud of our emails"
So if you have an email list and a product that should be converting, this edition is for you.
Let’s break down the exact email that sold out this cohort, and the 10 things we did differently to make it work.
We can't share the original email due to NDA.
But here's what the full email looks like as a template:
You can copy-paste this template into Claude, and use Wispr Flow to dictate your story.
Have Claude fill in the placeholders with the information from your story, your transformation, your product, and the outcomes you can unlock for your audience.
You have a sales email ready in five minutes.
Now let’s dive into the what made this email work:
1/ subject line: story over announcement
Before: "[offer sign up] up ends tomorrow"
After: "I [embarrassing thing you did] in front of [your audience]"
The goal of a subject line is to get the open and a story does that better than an announcement.
Worth noting: when a cohort is closing and there’s urgency - a more direct subject line has its place. But for the bulk of a sales sequence, this outperformed every time.
2/ we opened with the reader's problem, not the product
The old emails opened like this:
"Tomorrow is the live event I was telling you about."
It assumes that the reader saw the last email, and that they care about tomorrow's event.
The email we wrote opened like this:
"I [failed/embarrassed myself/struggled] in front of [important audience]. I was so [emotion] I refused to let that happen again."
The reader sees themselves in it before they see the offer.
3/ we built a curiosity loop before the ask
We opened the story, then paused it:
"I'll get to that in a second - but first, here's why I'm writing."
The reader has two reasons to stay -
the story isn't finished, and something's coming
the ask lands into attention that's already been earned
4/ we added a CTA above the fold
Most people read email on their phone so they shouldn’t have to scroll three screens to see the link.
5/ we make the ask more than once
Top, middle, end, and PS.
Most readers are conditioned to expect the CTA at the bottom of an email. They scan, skip to the end, and either click or don't. By placing links and buttons throughout - not just at the end - we interrupted that pattern. The reader who's ready at the top clicks immediately. The reader who needs convincing gets there by the bottom.
More opportunities to click means more clicks. It's that simple.
6/ we used bullets as a mirror, not a feature list
Instead of listing what the programme includes, we listed what life looks like without it:
[Overcompensation behavior 1]
[Overcompensation behavior 2]
[Overcompensation behavior 3]
If the reader has done any of those things, they lean in.
The bullets help the reader self-qualify.
7/ we showed transformation instead of description
The email ended with a real Slack message screenshot where the instructor/co-founder messaging Sarah after she handled a tough all-hands she would have bombed six months earlier.
Describe what the programme does and the reader has to imagine it.
Show what it actually changed and they don't have to.
8/ we hyperlinked every image
It's an internal SOP for us to hyperlink visuals.
People tap images instinctively on mobile so every unlinked image is a missed click opportunity.
9/ social proof as visuals, not sentences
We pulled testimonials out of the copy and turned them into designed pull-quote images.
A screenshot is harder to skim past than a sentence.
10/ we kept it between 300-500 words
Long enough to build the story. Short enough to hold attention the whole way through.
/Nils
P.S. If your sales emails are going out and nothing's moving, hit reply. We'll take a look and audit your emails.